Lettin Some Air Out

Where do I begin?

 

MUCH LOVE AND CONSOLATION TO THE WHOLE WEST FAMILY.

 

I am a fiend for everything Jay-Z, granite you would never ever catch me diggin in his garbage but I'm the type of fan that any artist would love to have.  With that being said American Gangster the album is like a dream come true.  I get goosebumps listening to "No Hook," I've always wanted him to drop a song with no chorus, no hook...for me it would have the effect of weed smoke, I would literally ZONE OUT.  I know there are those in the world just awaiting the apocalyptic album from jay-z but believe you me its a process.  As odd as it sounds there are actual fans of Jay-Z, who prefer "Hey Papi" to "Dead Presidents."  I just feel like he's bringing us all together for this phenomenal epiclike event and when the curtain falls: I hope you're there, hell I hope I'm there.  What more can I say? and it wasnt meant as a corny quote, i promise.

 

Sidebar:  How funny is that Frank Lucas, Jr. has a song out called "Business Man?" Will Jim Jones ever let his cause go? 

 

I applaud Ms. Halle Berry on a job well "ucking" done in "Things We Lost In The Fire."  The photography of the film was so up close & personal and raw in feeling that i honestly can not give the emotion a title or any description for that matter.  I feel like aside for the handful of work that she has done and the camera loves her, no disrespect intended, the world has finally been introduced to the actress halle berry as opposed to halle berry the actress.  Benicio Del Toro makes it look oh so second nature, that you're envious.  The entire cast were influential and it's rare that an entire cast has relevance.

 

"Gone Baby Gone" is another flick worth spending ten dollars for.  I felt as if i was sitting in a rocking chair on some porch in Boston, that is how involved Ben Affleck makes you.  Nothing was forced.  Nothing over the top.  And you can't help say, "well shit Affleck done found his niche," cuz his buddy Matt Damon is doin the damn thing.  Like most movie-goers, I lacked the excitement or anticipation of a Ben Affleck movie, but to watch him, listen to him on Bill Maher's "Real Time" and such; you knew his depth was apparent and that he had yet to leave or embark on his legend.

 

Random thought can someone give Britney Spears a hug...how much does anyone want to bet that it is going to be Britney Spears' little sister that will bring her back to grace.  I have little sisters and they are all the conscious that I need; they triumph the little voice in my head, my mother, and anyone else for that matter.  It is nothing worst than disappointing a younger sibling.  By all means, jr. let her have it and don't hold back, keep it FUNKY!!!!!

 

Is motherhood the thing to accomplish these days?

 

Have we lost Usher Raymond forever?  Do we have to secretly lust after Chris Brown for the rest of our lives?

 

Is it me or has the Boondocks' acclaimed message enshrouded by the uncensored nature of Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.  I am no hater.  I love me some Aaron McGruder and Adult Swim: shout out to INUYASHA, BLEACH, BLOOD, COWBOY BEBOP, and SAMURAI CHAMPLOO.  But I'm just asking a question.

 

Where has BET's real real relevance gone?

 

How come Derek Luke is not more established as far as the number of movies under his belt after having a damn good debut?  Where's the justice?  Lol lmao, nah but seriously.  Much love to hill harper and idris elba...two other gorgeous men of African descent doing there thing.

 

.........................until next time.........oh shit--American Gangster the film, i'm buggin!!!

 

Denzel, my maan!!!! other then that i got nothing...i've already had too many lengthy discussions about it.

 

Isn't it mystical how the real thing can creep up on you when you least expect it, especially when you thought what you had was File Mignon steak when in all actuality it was that stuff that be cut up and put into a gyro a your neighborhood hood store...its bad for you but its good as hell, no you shouldnt eat it but you bite into it anyway...and then you gotta rush to the bathroom and you lose like 5lbs...things that make you go hmmm!!! 

 

Lata.

 

 

 

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you

For those who do care I very much still alive.  It would appear that this blog consist of just one personality instead of two halves.  But by all means I am alive on arrival.

 

First things first...is seems as if the world of Hip Hop has taken the scheming, brainwashing, and trickery of marketing to a whole new level.  This year broke ground at a somewhat dignified level (that is if you do not count how FAME-esque Hip Hop has become) but wherever 50 Cent simmers there is bound to be empty lyrics and drama.  Which in retrogade brings Hip Hop's fraudulent beef-o-meter to a steaming 100 degrees.  His list of most hated comprise the likes of Cam'ron (not his perfectly entitled album...Cuuuuurrrtisssss!), Fat Joe, Jimmy Iovine (dude that cuts the check), Lil Wayne, Kanye To The, and many more until the date of his release approached til the moment a twelve-year-old rips the plastic of the CD.  I'm no hater I'm just a thinker.  And besides we all know that Jeffrey Atkins rules. HAHAHAHAHAHA.  I remember the utterance of such supreme poetry that had the confabulations: "A dope MC is dope MC."  If interested seek refuge in the lyrics of "Step Into a World (Rapture's Delight)" eloquently formulated by KRS-One, formally known as the number one, two, three, four, and five.  Knowledge reigns supreme, NO GIMMICKS--sucka MC's.  For G.O.O.D music look out for Kanye's LP, some hip originality (except for his sampling, lol lol lol--it is said that imitation is the greatest form of flattery, you be the judge).  Huge shout out to Daft Punk.   Enough of that.

 

I can't wait for the fall season to commence because the array of colors that this season brings to fashion is superb.  Also, it appears that world has left behind the blinding fashions of the '80s.

 

If you haven't watched the roast of Flavor-Flav on Comedy Central please do.  If you're one of the people who think that you've heard all the wise cracks that could be said about Fu-Fi, you are sadly mistakenly.  I laughed so hard I couldnt move my stomach muscles for two days ( I was gonna say a week, but that's a stretch).  Everything was a go so consequently it was hilarious.

 

This morning at about 1:09 i was chillin in my sister's black Ford Focus (that's right I was at the drive-ins, two for the price of one) and in front of me was a huge screen that was playing Kevin Bacon's new film, "Death Sentence," it was one of those movies where you can't stop sayin holy shit.  Kevin Bacon has that depressed I will fuck you up if you breath to loud look because I just popped 6 tylenols and the shit ain't working so shot your pie-hole.  For those who think that Garrett Hedlund, is scrumptious "Death Sentence" is a must-go-see.  All in all Death Sentence is a movie that illustrates the result of what happens when you go bizerk take justice into your own hands with a very realistic ending.

 

No homo, but on some real shit I'm diggin' Rihanna's photogenic personality these days from her island spice spread in Essence's biggin' up Barbados to the VMA photo campaignphotographed by David LaChapelle.

And to Essence's new editor-in-chief, Angela Burt-Murray, I applaud the new look of Essence and much respect to your crew.

 

Since I have definitely wrote a short essay, I will leave on the note of music, since that's my thing.  Check out "Paramore," a new punk rockish grew lead by a girl which is so freaking bomb. Oooooh and how much do you love J. Holiday's new single, "Bed," Fall Out Boy's "Arms Race remix" and their single "Thanks for the Memories."  And on a contradictory note, I love the "I Get Money" hit by 50 Cent; the sampling on that track is bananas.  Britney Spears I'm praying for you, LMFAO. Nah, I'm serious cuz she knows and I know that when she gets back to the top, everybody gonna be ridin' (add expletive if you must).  Diamond is not accidental, just ask Outkast.

Chocolate Rain

This post...is dedicated...to the decidedly most foul, dirty, strangely addictive, alarmingly hilarious song known only as...Chocolate Rain...

Original, Funny Only Cause Of His Voice And Not The Lyrics Version:



Disturbing To Watch And Offbeat Remix:



Lil John Remix:



John Mayer And Possibly The Best Remix To Chocolate Rain Ever, Version:

You Just Can't Help It Sometimes...

What is it about watching another person, another human being--an imperfect human, such as yourself, that has the same flaws, problems, and vices as you do--fall? Why is it so DAMNED funny??? I mean hey...sometimes it can't be avoided. Sometimes it happens in extremely dangerous, unfunny situations...but the vast majority of people falling is too insanely hilarious not to gratuitously watch over and over on YouTube (GooTube for you geeks)...

I mean...there are those falls where when it happens you're kind of shocked, shouting some nuance of "DAMN!", or "oh snap!", or "Their legs don't work apparently!"; and for a wistfully poetic moment in your life, you actually feel slightly sorry for the victim. The fall itself comes out of seemingly nowhere ("But she was wearing flats!") However it all soon passes and you shake your head, recounting that it was more amusing than sad. Kind of like this:



Than there are those downright gut-wrenching, laugh-until-you-cant-breathe type of fall that is pure comedy gold. Just a true classic that you can always appreciate. A great pick-me-up type of funny that no matter what mood you're in--if you see the fall, you will be instantly happy. Instantly--no questions asked--Despite the fact that the victim may have twisted their ankle in 5 places in the process. But hey, I'm no doctor:



To throw a wrench in the laugh-works, there's the type of unfortunate violent stumble, that actually makes you cringe in a bad way, and compels you to help that poor, poor uncoordinated soul. Case in point[and oddly enough...]:




Finally, you have your multi-tude of falls that, when they occur, the faller displays a self-effacing attitude; either acknowledging the fact that they looked like a complete jackass, but that they believe they are too cool for all that (Cause it's them, ya know?), or because they ignore that the fall even occurred:



[For my own reasons, I will NOT post the Beyonce fall. I've seen it played on every squarish box that displays picture and video, ad nauseum. I don't care that it falls into the "i just fell and ate dirt, but im too fly for this sh!t" category. If you don't like it--go find someone on blackplanet who cares.]

So from there I leave you to come up with your own assessments. Are people wrong for laughing when people fall? Should we all learn to be better, outstanding citizens and refuse to laugh? Let's take a pledge...and oath...say no to laughing on other people's follies. Say no to partaking in the joyous laughter that occurs out of the expense of someone else's short ride through Bad Luck Town....because hey...we are all human...


To hell with that--I'm gonna laugh.


PS - Do NOT allow your TV to be on the Bravo network past 10pm...DO NOT...

Optimus Prime FTW!!!

So I'm chillin' in bed this afternoon (cause I dare not get up before 12pm on Sundays), munching on some frosted animal crackers when I decide to slide out of the soft narrows of pillows and sheets to check my email. Funny thing that gmail notifier. When the icon gets shaded in, and a pop-up message telling me that "Robert Hambuger has written on your facebook wall" appears, it prompts me to jump out of bed like a bat out of hell to check on it. I mean facebook is not "the business ", or anything but it accounts for SO much wasted time that I feel obligated to lend it more of my lifespan on principle alone. So anyways while I'm dying a slow, social-networking initiated death, I come across what might possibly be the BEST DANCE ROUTINE KNOWN TO MAN!1!1!!



In other news Transformers is quite possibly the best commercial I've ever seen. EVER. The way that Xbox attacked that man..hahaha. So, is that the organic equivalent of what happens to an Xbox when it red-rings? The way the camera tries to surreptitiously pit Megan Fox in front of a rather large Burger King sign while ogling the mess out of Shia LeBeouf...or when the Mountain Dew vending machine becomes an X-TREME instrument of Lucifer to terrorize citizens with fatal distributions of a drink that is oddly akin to urine. Michael Bay just slays me with his GENERATION-X, TOTALLY RAD, AWESOME, IN-YOUR FACE EXPLOSIONS, PRODUCT PLACEMENT TO THE MAX, IM WRITING IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE IM 2 COOL 4 SCHOOL, THE ENDINGS SUCK BECAUSE I DONT NEED A VIABLE PLOT, movies. I mean without him...where would we be? Most certainly not in the movie theater thats right behind my apartment. No, that would be too convenient. For convenience I'd be at the local Kwik-E-Mart. But I digress. Honestly, I throughly enjoyed Transformers. No one goes to a Michael Bay film for a compelling story. It's all about Megatron beating the sh!t out of Jazz and Optimus Prime turning into a bigger GANGSTA than I could ever imagine. Seriously...he was handing out L's left and right! Let me be clear that I was more interested to see if the original voices were still in tact and to see exactly HOW the transformers would transform in a live-action movie; not to mention fight and rain unholy terror upon the world by crashing into multiple buildings. It was brilliant actually. The best transforming performance goes to my favorite infidel, Starscream. I love that guy.



In any case I'm going back to my sloth of a Sunday. I'm gonna go play Laid To Rest on Hard while laying down in bed--cause I'm just that DAMN good at Guitar Hero. Don't hate.

...Oh and by the way for all you $ony fans...the PS3 is on sale.

Love.

Good evening ladies and gents..how's everybody doing tonight?

as the other half of two point five comfortably writes from the placates of her soft, cotton Hello Kitty robe to post her premier thoughts about how it took us forever and a day to start this thing--what i like to call giving a visual picture to the clutter of what others would call our brains.

i hope the masterpiece looks more like the ingenious work of Ernie Barnes and not randoms globs of paint. i waste away from boredom surrounded by the ennui of nothingness and the dry mechanically cooled air of an empty gym, otherwise known as work; ON A SUNDAY FOR BRITNEY'S SAKE.

however, i'm laughing because i know it was like trying to slide your debit card quick enough in the ticket machine at the movies with nine inch nails, for Tatiana not to use SAT words like propagate, pellucid, pendulous, and pulchritude.

my thoughts also revert back to my daydreams about my current crush (i seem to have a lot of those these days), and the CNN segment of how some evangelist lost his following because he can no longer rationalize that Jesus would refuse to help any of God's children. It so peculiar that the most sundry of things make Americans tick (Americans, meaning that's what i'm going to call those that carry bibles, or what have you, but are quick to condemn). Considering America is the mutts of all mutts and i'm not just talking about ethnicity either. i'll stop there, no need for wedgies to form.

simultaneously, i am visualizing my twelve day wardrobe for my long awaited trip back home. Notice any meandering, if you do don't feel bad because that pretty much describes Ms. King and i when it comes to conversating (ha! ha! and goes the red indentation that such is not a word).

i definitely was not first to post on the site, however i wish all those that are listening to "violet stars and happy hunting," a special cling of champagne glasses. Kudos goes out to Janelle Monaé—literally overnight i'm officially your biggest fan.

the hustler flow from the speakers of the gym bring me back to life as a hum along, "I'm so far ahead of my time, i'm bout to start another life behind you, i'm bout to pass you twice, back to the future and gotta slow up for the present i'm fast, ---- can't get past my past!" Oddly, as i look out the window a rotund-like fella has on a smedium shirt that reads, "i'm not smiling, i'm passing gas." How grotesque and strangely fucking hilarious.

sadly, back to my reality of folding towels and aimless imaginings, i gotta get a job that pays salary. No more hourly joints. i'm out!

our self-proclaimed rhetoric, critique, and beautiful bullshit rants will presume the next time our black hole like brains slows down enough to give us the inclination that it's time to do laundry. Just to add, i desperately NEED a pair of Aldo's fuschia Sarnia pumps.

lemons or lemonade people! And lastly, a special lacing of Adidas' Superstar shelltoes go out to Reverend Run because of you Hip Hop will always be in my heart.

Welcome To The Rest of Your Life...

FIRST!!!!

Aaah…that exclamation always hits a soft spot in my heart. It reminds me of the countless hours of being trapped in the “bored-to-tears” doldrums that prompts me to visit gossip blog sites and read the endless streams of “FIRST!” variations. I have to admit that one of my favorites is “FIRST B!TCHES!!”. It stirs up so much tender emotion…to think that I wasn’t first in posting on a topic. I wasn’t the first to have my eyes glaze over with minute interest. I say if you’re not first, you’re last—and I don’t like losing. Losing makes me curl in the fetal position and nurse a box of Mike and Ike’s in sorrow...but hey let’s not get into that…

So as I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to introduce myself to the world, my little Winamp module is doing a horrible job of randomizing my music library. Why do I want to listen to the Howard University Marching Band at 2AM? Does it know that secretly I tie my Hello Kitty towel around my shoulders like a cape and start high stepping in my living room, pretending the kitchen table is the 50 yard line?--I don’t think so Winamp.

So….why am I here? It’s simple. I’m here to announce that for you—your time is up.

I have waited long enough for you to listen to what I have to say, and quite frankly my left foot has fallen asleep. My dear friend Kaia and I have built a haven of intellect, humor, and opinion on the varying occurrences of the world. A haven built on our jubilant words of mirth and elation; words that are light and airy and taste like chicken or turkey, depending upon who’s eating and how much rum they drank….

Whether we are bothered, amused, shocked, disgusted, surprised, bored by, or simply irreversibly confused by these random idiosyncrasies of society—we’ll let you know.

But dammit all to pieces, you’ve taken FOREVER to get here. Where have you been? Didn’t I tell you to get in this house when the street lights came on? Don’t make me take my belt off…

Look…we built you a glorious city of word-ly knowledge. We made it out of pipe cleaners, glitter, and laffy taffy—just for you. Yet you sit there and procrastinate. You’re late guy…

I’m disappointed in you.

Yes.

You.